I was on a call with a runner I coach last week and she said “I feel kinda dumb that my goal is just to finish my first half without walking. My friend’s training for a sub-3 marathon and I feel like I’m not really running.”
I answered her as best as I could, but kind of sat on it for a few more days and realized there was a better way to move through life, so I created a whole framework (because why not!)
And the bigger thing I realized is that you’re gonna get judged for your running goals, no matter what they are:
- Chasing a Boston Qualifier? Someone thinks you’re too obsessed with time.
- Just trying to finish without walking? Someone thinks that’s not “real running”
- Running every day? You’re overdoing it.
- Taking rest days? You’re not committed enough.
It’s exhausting.
And the worst part is that it gets in your head because you start spiraling with thoughts like:
- “Wait, should I care more about my pace?”
- “Is what I’m doing actually kind of shallow?”
- “Am I being mentally (and physically) lazy if I don’t have a time goal?”
- “What is actually a legitimate race/pace/distance/reason?”
These mental gymnastics usually wear folks down faster than a hard workout does.
To help me (and runners that I coach) I’ve learned to translate what others say into what they really mean, like:
- “Just finishing isn’t a real goal” = okay, so you prefer competitive running… cool beans.
- “Time goals ruin the joy” = you prefer process over outcomes… dope.
- “You’re not pushing yourself” = you like more intensity than I do… roger that.
- “Ultras are pointless suffering” = you prefer speed to endurance… okie dokie.
Once you start seeing it this way, the whole thing loses its “why should I care but I still do” grip. Because they’re not really talking about you, but instead they’re just announcing their preferences (in a passive aggressive sorta annoying way)
The reality is that some people will DEF judge you for caring about pace. Others will judge you for NOT caring. Some will say you’re too serious. Others will say you’re not serious enough.
You literally cannot win.
So stop trying to beat them. Just run your race and chase whatever gets you excited to get out the door on your next run or workout.
The only goal that doesn’t work? Someone else’s that you pretend (really hard) is yours.
